dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
