and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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