Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize
