you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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