There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
My ATM looks so different sober.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize
