she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
