You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
