i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
