It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
