you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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