youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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