The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
