I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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