I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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