We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
