Umm I'm too high to move.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
