At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
