is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
