ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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