these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
