i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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