thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
