I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Randomize
