yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
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