I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
