The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
