Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
