Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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