he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
