Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
