: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
