I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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