Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
