Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
