I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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