Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
