New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
