He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Found the puke drawer
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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