Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
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