We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
