Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i wish my penis had a tongue
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Randomize
