sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
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