I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
