question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
