She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Randomize
