Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
