And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I just want to make out with him forever
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
