i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
