dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
