WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
