Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
