Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
