Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
