This dress was meant to end up on your floor
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
