My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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