so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
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Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
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She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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