Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
lets start a swedish sibling band together
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
