Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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