all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
