Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
