I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
