Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
