My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
