There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
