Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
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She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
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I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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