I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
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