May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
