im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
