he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
