he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
